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Men. Good Gods, these folke say I am mad, and doubtlesse they are mad themselves.
Mul. Here father: what shall we do?
Sen. What if I fetch my folkes hither, and have him
carried in before he do any harme.
Men. How now? they will carry me in if I looke not to my selfe: I were best to skare them better yet. Doest thou bid me, Phœbus, to teare this dog in 175 peeces with my nayles? If I laie hold on him, I
will do thy commandment.
Sen. Get thee into thy house, daughter; away quickly.
beast unto thee; and if thou commandest mee, I 180
Sen. Come not neare me, Sirra.
Men. Yea I will quarter him, and pull all the bones out
Sen. What? doth he threaten me with his horses?
head. O shall I not fulfill Appolloes command
Sen. See, see, what a sharpe disease this is, and how well he was even now. I will fetch a Physitian strait, before he grow too farre into this rage. [Exit. Men. Are they both gone now? Ile then hie me away 205 to my ship: tis time to be gone from hence.
Enter SENEX and MEDICUS.
Sen. My loines ake with sitting, and mine eies with looking, while I staie for yonder laizie Phisitian : see now where the creeping drawlatch comes. Med. What disease hath hee, said you? It is a letarge 210 or a lunacie, or melancholie, or dropsie?
Sen. Wherfore I pray do I bring you, but that you
shuld tell me what it is, and cure him of it?
Men. Fie, make no question of that.
Ile cure him, I
Oh here he comes.
Staie let us 215
marke what he doth.
Enter MENECHMUS the Citizen.
Men. Never in my life had I more overthwart fortune in one day, and all by the villanie of this false knave the Parasite, my Ulisses that workes such mischiefs against me his king. But let me live 220 no longer but Ile be revengde uppon the life of him. His life? nay, tis my life, for hee lives by my meate and drinke. Ile utterly withdraw the slave's life from him. And Erotium shee plainly sheweth what she is; who because I require the 225 cloake againe to carrie to my wife, saith I gave it
her, and flatly falles out with me. How unfortunate
Sen. Do you heare him?
Med. He complaines of his fortune.
Sen. Go to him.
Med. Menechmus, how do ye, man? why keepe you
not your cloake over your arme? It is verie hurt-
Men. Why hang thyself, what carest thou?
Med. Sir, can you smell anie thing?
Men. I smell a prating dolt of thee.
Med. Oh, I will have your head througly purged. Pray tell me Menechmus, what use you to drinke? white wine, or claret?
Men. What the divell carest thou?
Sen. Looke, his fit now begins.
Men. Why doest not as well aske mee whether I eate bread, or cheese, or beefe, or porredge, or birdes
that beare feathers, or fishes that have finnes ?
Sen. See what idle talke he falleth into.
Med. Tarry: I will aske him further. Menechmus, tell
me, be not your eyes heavie and dull sometimes?
Men. What, doest thinke I am an owle.
Med. Doo not your guttes gripe ye, and croake in 250
Men. When I am hungrie they do, else not.
Med. He speakes not like a madman in that. Sleepe
ye soundly all night?
Men. When I have paid my debts I do. The mischiefe 255 light on thee, with all thy frivolous questions.
Med. Oh now he rageth upon those words: take heed.
Men. Did I?
Sen. Thou didst, mad fellow, and threatenedst to ryde over me here with a Chariot and horses, and to kill mee, and teare me in peeces. This thou didst I know what I say.
Men. I say, thou stolest Jupiters Crowne from his 265 head, and thou wert whipt through the Towne for it, and that thou hast kild thy father, and beaten thy mother. Doo ye thinke that I am so mad that I cannot devise as notable lyes of you as you do of me? 270 Sen. Maister Doctor, pray heartily make speede to cure him. See you not how mad he waxeth? Med. Ile tell ye, hee shall be brought over to my house, and there I will cure him.
Sen. Is that best?
Med. What else? there I can order him as I list.
Sen. Well, it shall be so.
Med. Oh, Sir, I will make yee take neesing powder
this twentie dayes.
Men. Ile beate yee first with a bastanado this thirtie 280
Med. Fetch men to carry him to my house.
Sen. How many will serve the turne?
Med. Being no madder than he is now, foure will
Sen. Ile fetch them. Staie you with him, Maister
all things needfull.
Ile goe home to make readie
Sen. I go.
[Exeunt. 290 Good Gods what meaneth I am mad, who without
doubt are mad themselves. I stirre not, I fight
Enter MESSENIO the Travellers servant.
*The proofe of a good servant, is to regard his 300 maisters businesse as well in his absence as in his presence; and I thinke him a verie foole that is not carefull as well for his ribbes and shoulders, as for his belly and throate. When I think upon the rewards of a sluggard, I am ever pricked with a 305 careful regard of my backe and shoulders; for in truth I have no fancie to these blowes, as many a one hath. Methinks it is no pleasure to a man to be basted with a ropes end two or three houres togither. I have provided yonder in the Towne, 310 for all our marriners, and safely bestowed all my masters Trunkes and fardels; and am now comming to see if he be yet got forth of this daungerous gulfe, where I feare me he is overplunged. Pray God he be not overwhelmed and past helpe 315 ere I come.
Enter SENEX, with foure Lorarii, Porters.
Sen. Before Gods and men, I charge and commaund you Sirs, to execute with great care that which I appoint you: if yee love the safetie of your owne ribbes and shoulders, then goe take me up my 320 sonne in lawe, laie all hands upon him: why stand