he has observed in furnishing fifty instances of wit in members of each of the professions and walks of life to which the chapters of his work are respectively confined, to counterbalance an equal number of the shafts of satire which wicked wags have levelled against them. It was the great excellence of Sir Hudibras's logic, that

"For every why he had a wherefore."

And if a sort of parody upon this passage in the history of that renowned cavalier may be allowed, the editor of the London Budget of Wit would say in defence of his collection of professional witticisms, that if

"For every praise there is a censure,"

the reverse of the proposition is equally true, "For every censure there's a praise."

And thus lauding his own impartiality, as he flatters himself that his readers will laud his discrimination in forming the present collection, he takes his leave for the present, by reassuming the character of mine host of the inn, or his head waiter, and assuring them, with as many

bows and scrapes as are usual upon such occasions, that if the present entertainment should meet with their approbation, he hopes, at no very distant period, to meet them again with a similar repast of viands as choicely selected, and cooked and seasoned as entirely to their taste.

And so he rests,

Their's to command,

London,

February 15, 1817.

THE EDITOR.

THE LONDON

BUDGET OF WIT.

1.

CHAP. I.

WOMEN.

FRANCIS I. of France, was the first monarch who introduced ladies at his court. He said, in a style of true gallantry-That a drawing-room without ladies was like the year without the spring; or rather, like the spring without flowers,

2. At no time of life should a man give up the thoughts of enjoying the society of women. "In youth," says Lord Bacon," women are our mistresses, at a riper age our companions, in old age our nurses, and in all ages our friends,"

3. Fontenelle being one day asked by a lord in waiting, at Versailles, what difference there was between a clock and a woman, instantly replied, "A clock serves to point out the hours, and a woman to make us forget them."

QUEEN ELIZABETH.

4. Queen Elizabeth seeing from her window a gentleman musing, to whom she had not realized her

B

promises of favour, said to him, "What does a mar think of, Sir Edward, when he thinks of nothing?" After a little pause, he answered, "He thinks, Madam, of a woman's promise." The queen shrunk in her head, but replied, "Well, Sir Edward, I must not confute you; anger makes men witty, but it keeps them poor."

5. A courtier came running to Queen Elizabeth, and, with a face full of dismay, "Madam," said he, "I have bad news for you; the party of tailors, mounted on mares, that attacked the Spaniards, are all cut off."-" Courage! friend," said the queen; "this news is indeed bad; but when we consider the nature of the quadrupeds, and the description of the soldiers, it is some comfort to think we have lost neither man nor horse."

THE LATE PRINCESS AMELIA.

6. The late Princess Amelia being in the rooms at Bath, remarked a certain captain in the army of a most uncommon height. On inquiry, she was not only told his name and family, but likewise that he had been originally intended for the church. "Rather, I should suppose, for the steeple"-replied her royal highness.

SARAH DUTCHESS OF MARLBOROUGH.

7. When the proud Duke of Somerset, a little time before his death, paid a visit to Sarah Dutchess of Marlborough, she insisted on his drinking with her a glass of tokay, which had been presented to her husband by the emperor. He assented, and she addressed him as follows: “ My lord, I consider your grace drinking a glass of wine with me as a very high honour, and I will beg leave to propose two healths, the most unpopular imaginable, and which nobody in the three kingdoms, except ourselves, would drink : here is YOUR health and MINE."

THE LATE DUTCHESS OF Bedford.

8. When the Dutchess of Bedford was last at Buxton, and then in her eighty-fifth year, it was the medical farce of the day for the faculty to resolve every complaint of whim and caprice into " a shock of the nervous system." Her grace, after inquiring of many of her friends in the room, what brought them there? and being generally answered, "for a nervous complaint," was asked, in her turn, what brought her to Buxton? "I came only for pleasure,” answered the hale dutchess, "for, thank God, I was born before nerves came into fashion."

THE LATE DUTCHESS OF NORTHUMBERLAND. 9. When the amiable Dutchess of Northumberland was some years ago on the continent, she stopped at an inn in French Flanders, at the sign of the Golden Goose; but, arriving late, and being somewhat fatigued with her journey, she ordered but a slight repast for her and her suite, which consisted only of five servants. In the morning, when the landlord presented his bill, her secretary was much surprised at one general item, of-" Expenses for the night, fourteen Louis D'ors." In vain did he remonstrate; the artful Fleming knew the generous character of the dutchess, and was positive. The money was accordingly paid. When she was preparing to depart, the landlord, as usual, attended her to her carriage; and, after making many congees, and expressing many thanks, hoped he should have the honour of her grace's company, on her return. "Why, possibly you may," said the dutchess, with her usual good-humour, "but it must be on one condition-that you do not mistake me again for your sign."

THE LATE DUTCHESS OF GORDON.

10. A certain eit, who had suddenly risen to wealth, by monopolies and contracts, from a very low condition in life, stood up in the pit of the opera with