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GRIBBLES. "Why, how doleful you look! Been paying election bets ?"

DIBBLES. "No; it ain't that that worries me; but Miss Bullion, whom I thought I was as good as engaged to, now seems to be always out when I go to take her anywhere."

GRIBBLES. "Indeed? Well, do you know, my case is just the opposite. When my fiancée wants me to go anywhere, I'm the one that's always out.' Then he looked reproachfully at the sign of an oyster saloon they were just passing.

When first engaged

She used to write

On monogram paper

Of creamy white.

But since we're married

It's rather hard

She says all she needs

On a postal-card.

DEFICIENT IN COURTESY.

LADY. "A gentleman gave me his seat in a street-car to-day."

HUSBAND. " And you thanked him, of course ?"

LADY. "Yes, I thanked him, but I ought not to have done so. He hadn't the politeness to lift his hat."

REQUIRES EXPERIENCE. BROWN. "Do you know how long Robinson has been keeping house?"

SMITH. "No; but it must be a good many years. I took dinner with him the other day, and he carved a duck without spilling it on the floor."

"Johnnie, I'm ashamed of you. You don't do nothing I tell you. I see you'll have to have your head examined, so I'll know just what you can do."

(A few days have passed.) "Here, ma! Here's a map and all about my head. Just been zamined, and you'll have to pay the man seventy-five cents."

"I'm afraid, Georgie, it's too far to walk to Gryme's Hill to-day."

"Why, auntie! It's not far; it's awfully near when you get there."

MRS. A. (who entertains a good deal).

"I have really enjoyed the evening exceedingly, Mrs. Buck. It's such a relief to get out of one's own atmosphere once in a while."

A LOW TRAGEDY, IN THREE ACTS. АНА!

"We don't care for the rain," said one Baltimore girl to another, as she raised an umbrella; "we're 'neither sugar nor salt.'"

"No," replied the other, "but we're lasses."

Your best crockery is the thing that always goes to smash.

A WORD TO BENEDICTS. HUSBAND. "Can anything be worse, my dear, than for a husband to think other women prettier than his wife?"

WIFE. "Yes, John, love. It is for a husband to think his wife prettier than other women and not constantly remind her of the fact."

AUNT LENA (of Salem). "HAVE YOU NOT HAD A DELIGHTFUL TIME. FLOSSY?'

HEE-HEE!

CRUSHED AGAIN.

(Midnight.)

POOR WIFE (to husband whose loud snoring keeps her awake). "Charlie! Charlie! do stop snoring! Turn over on your side." (Nudges him.) Husband, only half awake, grunts, turns on his side, and continues to snore.

FLOSSY (from the West, yawning). "OH, AWFUL, AUNTY BORED TO DEATH BY DR. FLYMAN; THEN FRIGHTENED TO DEATH BY PROFESSOR SULLIVAN IN A DISCUSSION ON THE RESPECTIVE MERITS OF THE GREEK PUGILLARII." AUNT LENA. "WHY, MY DEAR, I AM AMAZED. DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN THE MOST CULTURED SOCIETY IN BAWSTON?"

MRS. MÉNAGE. "Now that you are so soon to be married and go to house-keeping, Franceline, I would suggest that you go into the kitchen for a few hours every day."

FRANCELINE. "Why, mamma, I am sure that Charley never asked me to be his wife to get his dinner." MRS. M. "But, my dear, to know the names of things in a kitchen will give you so much confidence in your ability to scold your servants."

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Wife has a happy idea. Remembers a line from an article called "How to prevent Snoring." Gives her husband a second nudge, which elicits another grunt. "Oh, Charlie! If you'd keep your mouth shut you'd be all right." CHARLIE (still semi-conscious). "So would you!" [Grand tableau.

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Nevertheless-One's wife.

A REASONABLE PROPOSITION. "Tommy," said the school-teacher, "spell measles."

Tommy made the attempt with the confidence born of youth, but floundered hopelessly.

"I am surprised, Tommy," she said. "Did you study your lesson ?"

"Yes, 'm; but you can't expect a boy to spell measles when he's never had 'em," was the way Tommy tried to get out of it.

A BORE TO HIS FRIENDS. "Let's turn down this street; there comes Smith."

"Don't you want to meet him?" "No; he has just bought a horse."

THE IMPEACHMENT.

He was fond of his wife, and his tones were sincere,

As he said, upon looking her o'er, "What a peachy complexion you have! Why, my dear,

66

I never observed it before."

'What nonsense!" she said, with a smile and a blush

Recalling the season of youth;

"At my age 'tis out of the question. So hush!

You know you're not telling the truth."

With face that betrayed not a sign of remorse,

The inveterate joker replied,
"There are peaches of different kinds,
and of course

I alluded to those that were dried!"
JOSEPHINE POLLARD.

RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION.
"Coming down-town yesterday," said

a passenger on a street-car to a companion, "I escaped paying my fare. I had it ready for the conductor, but as he didn't ask me for it I didn't feel compelled to give it to him." Just then the conductor said, "Fare, please." "Why, I gave you a nickel when I got on," declared the passenger.

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