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in the body, or to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. Let them know that I loved them, and prayed for every one of them. God bless them all.
“ Tuesday, May 20.-I am now, as it were, suspended by a slender thread betwixt life and death. Three days following I have had attacks, which seemed to threaten a termination in dissolution. But God is with me. I am happy in the love of Christ. I could not choose, were it left to me, whether to die or to live. I feel the conviction in my mind still strong that I shall recover; but I am got so near to heaven, by the falling into ruinous decay of this earthly house of my tabernacle, that another shake, and there seems reason to expect that my soul will be numbered with the departed who are gone to glory. This I can say, that no other thought or desire has crossed my mind, as a reason for the prolongation of my earthly existence, but that it might thereby please my Lord to make me an instrument of winning souls to him.
Friday, May 23.-To-day I have felt much sinking, and have felt a desire to depart and be with Christ. Last night I felt much for the situation of my companions, and prayed to God with great fervor in their behalf, entreating the Lord to send relief to them, and if it were his will, that I should see that succour come, and then, if it pleased him, be taken hence. I excluded myself from any par
ticipation of benefit to be derived from a vessel's coming, lest I might seem to fall into impatience, or display aught else than absolute resignation to God's holy will concerning myself. But I did feel I might intercede for others, and I sought God's blessing on their bodies and souls. This evening I have been so allured by the love of Jesus, that I have not been able to refrain from asking the Lord to permit me to come to himself. Nothing on earth could hold back my wishes from transporting me at once into his presence. I felt it could be no sin to desire thus eagerly for heaven. Its light, its atmosphere, its peace, its joys, yea, and its holiness, were around my soul, and earth to my eyes seemed a dreary place. But am I ready to go? O yes; Jesus has made me ready. I could not be more ready than he can make me, were I to live a century longer. His blood, his precious blood, I bear upon my heart; his righteousness declared of God, I hold for my title-deed.
Tuesday, May 27.—To-day I have perceived new symptoms, which shew the inroads of the disease upon my system, and strongly point out a fatal termination. Can I be in any way disappointed at this, instead of a life of much service and glory to God? No, not for a moment; for God's glory can only be enhanced by fulfilling the counsels of his own will; and to suffer his blessed will, as much glorifies my God as to do it. I am not disappointed; rather do I rejoice greatly, that
now it seems manifestly the design of God to take me hence. I have time after time felt an inexpressible desire to be with Christ, and to-day I have been ravished with his love. Should this then be the will of God, then, my beloved ones, weep
not for me. Let no mourning thought possess your hearts, nor sigh of sadness once escape your lips. Say rejoicingly, How good was the Lord ! how greatly was he blessed of God, and he is gone to be with Jesus!
There you, my beloved ones,-you, my mother, you, my sisters, may all of you—oh yes, you will shortly meet me,—will you not! The love of Christ fills my heart; but with this love which loves him supremely, I love you as I never did before. But heaven is at hand. It is nigh to my soul. It is my home. I shall look for you there. There we shall meet to part
Its glories invite me. Its holiness, its purity, makes me desire it, where I shall no more feel the curse of sin, nor see that loathsome thing, corruption. I hail the glorious change. My soul rejoices in the Lord, and I would not exchange my dying hopes, surrounded as I now am with all earthly discomforts, for the greatest luxuries and all the blandishments the world could set before me; nay, nor could it stop one minute my onward flight to God, were the whole realm of nature, and every monarch with his crown, inviting me to linger
for a while, and taste of honor, power, and earthly good. No, oh no! All that is vanity and
a delusion. There is no other happiness but in knowing God, and Jesus Christ whom he has sent; in knowing him as our merciful, gracious, long-suffering God; forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin : and Jesus Christ as—no words can say what Jesus Christ is when you know him. This is the white stone, inscribed with a new name, which no one knows but he to whom it is given. O Jesus, blessed Mediator and Intercessor! into thy hands I commit my beloved ones. Do thou effectually prevail in the behalf of each, so that all may receive thy Holy Spirit and the gift of eternal life, to thy own and the Father's everlasting glory, world without end. Amen.” [Then follow affectionate messages to various friends by name.]
Thursday, June 12.—Ah! I am happy day and night, hour by hour. Asleep or awake, I am happy beyond the poor compass of language to tell. My joys are with him whose delights have always been with the sons of men; and my heart and spirit are in heaven with the blessed. I have felt how holy is that company; I have felt how pure are their affections, and I have washed me in the blood of the Lamb, and asked my Lord for the white garment, that I, too, may mingle with the blaze of day, and be amongst them one of the sons of light.
“ We have long been without animal food of kind. Our diet consists of oatmeal and pease, with rice occasionally; but even of this we have only a
od of any
stock sufficient to last out the present month, or a very short period beyond this. The weather is very severe, with a deep fall of snow on the ground. But this is not the worst feature of our
All hands are now sadly affected. Captain Gardiner, a miracle of constitutional vigor, has suffered the least, and if I listened to his own words he is still none the worse ; but his countenance bespeaks the contrary. Would it were not
Mr Maidment, likewise, has sustained the shock of our circumstances very well, but yet great debility is now manifesting itself. All the rest have decided symptoms of scurvy, and have something to do to stand under the burden of the duties devolving upon them; but their perseverance, and willingness, and patience, deserve the highest praise, whilst it elicits from our hearts a feeling sense of our obligations to them, and a regret to put them to such a severe trial. The Lord reward and bless them! Indeed, his blessing is upon them; and the Spirit of grace is deepening his work in their souls. Much more could I add, but my fingers are aching with cold, and I must wrap them
in the clothes. But my heart is warmwarm with praise, thanksgiving, and love to God my Father and to God my Redeemer."
Up to this period Mr Williams's Journal had been carefully kept; and, looking at its neat and legible pages; knowing, too, the distress and discomfort in the midst of which its latter portions