And this reference to an unpleasant locality ship, and with my worldly goods I thee endow" suggests, as usual, a consolatory reflection, which-and which some wise churchmen, I hear, would woman "Poor thing of ages, coerced, compelled; Victim when wrong, and martyr oft' when right"is as free to use as ourselves. Truth, equally with the law, privilege her with the satisfaction that, whatever her wrongs, they re-act on the Society that inflicts them. A slave with the Easterns, a nonentity with the Greeks, a semicitizen or more with the Romans, history records kindred conclusions, and fails not to present the males, slaves here and masters there, exactly as woman stands high or low in the scale of social being. We may reason, indeed, from her position as from a series of postulates; for if progress be the law of humanity, the civilization which cripples the feet of its daughters, and the religion which shuts them up in Zenanas and Harems, are doomed, the day knowledge becomes a power within, or chance brings them in conflict with a less factitious enlightenment without. Such edifices, whatever their divine pretensions, have been built with no knowledge of the law of human development, and, when the due growth or fated collision comes, fall to pieces, as by an ordinance of nature. The logic of a college full of divinity could not disprove a dogma, nor the demonstrations of a library philosophy upset a political theory, with half so much conclusiveness. put down by Act of Parliament-was once a living truth, which, I would fain believe, beautified a great deal more of the life of Christendom than records will ever tell us about. In the spring-tide of faith, in the hearts of an unworn race, the generous sentiment it carried entered into the substance of life, and became the master influence of the time. Shedding round the sex an atmosphere of divine poesy, we owe to it that magic of Chivalry which has given to history some of its brightest colourings, as to humanity, many of its noblest decorations. Aye, the heart of that great mystery lay there or no where-that high but gentle heart, that enabled it to break back the tide of Mahomedan fanaticism, to save Europe from the barbarism that was closing on every other scene, and to transform a rude and crude society into a civilization which, if semilettered and erratic, was still-taken for all in all -the most elevated the world had yet seen. "The maiden mother of the earth's great King" converting every shrine into an idealism of womanly purity and maternal influence, and the Queen of Beauty of the tournament raining down influence on gallant men, to whom life had no such guerdon as her smile, and calamity no such terror as a stain of-told tales in every ear that thrilled each bosom with a high and humanizing moral; and no fact in history, not even the poesy of Dante and Petrarch, gives us a better measure of its power than the episode of the simple maid, who, leaving her sheep in the remote wilds of Lorraine, won audience from a court, enforced there the mission of her "heavenly vision," and, clad in armour, led the manhood of France to the restoration of a Monarchy ! T. P. HEALEY. But how grave the fact we have thus reached dancing lightly along like the bony revelries of Holbein's picture! Misanthropy itself might pale at the thought, that the women of twothirds of the human race are at this moment in a bondage that compels them to be the Slaves of Slaves, that leaves them for their highest function, the maternity of a generation that shall be no better, and that while we are cutting each other's throats on the question, whether Heaven is made for Dr. Cumming, or Cardinal Wiseman, they -poor things!-and their myriad progeny are going-God knows where! Geologists may show that our race co-existed with the mammoth and the plesiosaurus, but with such a fact before me, I say the world must be young, it is so green," and "the fall" not remote-woman's lot shows still so much of it! CURIOUS EFFECT OF THE SEASON. IRST of all let me state calmly and quietly that I am not mad. I don't see her dancing in the halls; I don't care to listen for the night-watch. I am as thoroughly rational as nineteentwentieths of my fellow-creatures. It is a curious effect of the present season-nothing more. But, despite the cynicism so sad a review justifies, let us mourn not as those who have no hope. The solitary light that dawned from Galilee is every day widening its circle; and well, indeed, may He who shed it be the Deity of universal woman. Followed through life by her attachment, in all its mysterious phases of unspeakable devotion-a devotion so often the I went to a retheme of his studious eulogy-the Saviour of hearsal of a pantoInan was more than the Saviour-the Redeemer mime-preceded by -of woman. He cancelled, in her favour, the a dinner-on Frihard-hearted code of Judaism, shrined her high day evening, the in the sanctuary of His religion of love, and, 23rd of December, 1859. I saw a number of investing her in more than primal grace and dig- little children in very muddy boots, and very nity, made her re-establishment as the help-meet ragged, dirty dresses, arranged, by an anxious of man, the key-stone of the new regeneration. busy gentleman, on many shelves of coral rocks. I know nothing which better symbols the I saw the acrobatic union of two men to produce higher relations thus introduced between the a giant. The first, they told me, were fairies, sexes than the bridegroom's tender of fealty in the and the second, they said, would get very flabby marriage service. The dramatic, but now, I fear and unmanageable after the third night. I saw a obsolete formula, "With my body I thee wor-bank-director rolled in a flower-tub, and then I left. On Christmas-eve I went to a public performance of another pantomime (brought out early by an energetic manager), to gratify some country friends of immense theatrical appetite. I saw more bank-directors rolled in more flower-tubs. On Boxing-day I was compelled to take these same country friends to a morning performance at a theatre in the suburbs, to witness another pantomime, which, I am bound to say, was exceedingly good. On the same night I had promised to do a critical friend a service who writes for the newspapers. This service consisted in visiting several theatres, to see and report that more pantomimes were "going on all right." I think that within the space of ten hours on that day, I must have seen forty bankdirectors knocked down, rolled into chaff-cutting machines, and treated with every indignity. I think I saw the Emperor of the French pelted with highly-developed vegetables, but of this I will not be certain. My belief in the solemn dignity of life began to grow dangerously unsettled. On Tuesday (Dec. 27th), I was again in charge of my country friends at another morning performance. This time it was a burlesque and a pantomime combined. The "opening" depicted the historic past in a very distorted manner; and the "harlequinade" treated the present as if it was only made to be turned inside out, and upside down, Two short hours being allowed for refreshment, the jaded playgoer had to escort his insatiable country friends to the theatre again. Their time in town was very limited, and they had resolved to go the round. More indignities were heaped upon the respectabilities of the earth, as we sat out another pantomime. Wednesday morning came, but with it no rest. Wednesday night, Thursday morning, Thursday night, and also Friday morning were consumed in the same manner. We had been spectators of five more pantomimes. When I came out into the fading daylight on Friday evening, and saw the lamplighter lighting the street gas, and heard a muffin-boy crying crumpets, I felt hot and confused. It seemed to me that it ought to be long past midnight. Go on, I said to myself -a mad world, my masters. Saturday morning saw the departure of my country friends by an early train, but not the departure of my mental confusion. This confusion exhibited itself in a tendency to make faces in every looking-glass; to cram more things into the pockets of my dressing gown than they could possibly bear; and to bump against people in the street, with the most violent and seemingly-intoxicated recklessness. "You may think so," I answered, “because you never bought a steak at a pawnbroker's; but, like many other things, it's very common. Have you seen my volume of poems, lately published by Messrs. Barclay and Perkins?" My friend eyed me very keenly as he faintly uttered-no; shifted his chair a little, and seemed from that moment to lose his appetite. "It's beautifully printed," I continued, "by Messrs. Brassey, Peto, and Betts, and illustrated, in his best style, by Sir Humphrey Davy." "Indeed," said my friend, still watching me very closely; "don't you think we'd better go up stairs and take coffee ?" I complied at once, and contrived to gather two bottles from a sideboard as we left the dining-room. They contained nothing but ketchup, which I drank medicinally, while my companion, in dismay, slipped down the stairs and vanished. I left a few minutes afterwards, and, as I was going out at the door, an old gentleman-a late prime minister-was coming in. I may have placed my umbrella between his legs, but that was no reason why he should have fallen, full length, upon the hall-mat. "I beg your pardon," I said, as I helped him up by his waistband; "but you haven't got such a thing as a leg of mutton about you?” It seemed scarcely five seconds after this when I found myself in Covent Garden market. I was hiding behind a column with a potatobasket, like a beer-glass, in my hand, and two more baskets of the same kind by my side. A stout gentleman, in full evening costume, passed by, returning home, no doubt, from one of the theatres. I placed the potato-basket over his head, like an extinguisher, and enjoyed the fun very much, as he wheeled round and round in the style of a Jack-in-the-Green; and, finally ran, puffing away, after throwing off his eccentric head-dress, shouting-"murder, thieves, and garrotters." The noise brought a little crowd to the scene, consisting of a cabman, a policeman, and several ragged boys, who appeared to spring out of the ground. "I see 'un do it," shouted one of the ragged boys, pointing to me; "he's been agoin' it a rum 'un." The policeman paid no attention to this charge, but made a dart after several of the ragged boys, who bounded away like young bedouins of the desert. In an instant I had 1 knocked the heavy, contemplative cabman over in the mud, had delivered my two other baskets full at the head of the officer of the law, had openly stolen a baked potato from the hands of a shivering young man just arrived to learn the That evening I had invited an old friend to a cause of the noise, and had fled successfully to quiet dinner at my club, and I proceeded to keep the shelter of my dwelling. My doctor was my appointment. Our chief dish was a beef-sent for-not by my wish to tell me I had steak, a far-famed speciality of my club-house. got a disease that seldom affected any one but "Delicious!" said my friend, a few moments after he had been helped to a prime cut out of the middle. "Do you think so?" I asked. "Undoubtedly," he replied, with emphasis. "Well, I don't mind telling you," I returned, "but I bought that steak about a fortnight ago at an old pawnbroker's in the Borough." "Nonsense," he said, looking at me steadily. very young children. For want of a better name, he called it the pantomimic fever, and he said that under his treatment I should recover in ten days, or a fortnight. I have some recollection that during the night I spent nearly an hour before a bird-cage, under the idea that it was a clock, trying, ineffectually, to wind up s bewildered canary. JOHN HOLLINGSHEAD. ILL those readers who have been kind enough to bear with my previous papers, give me leave to jot down a few more facts about the Bono Johnnies? I need scarcely say that there was no special love lost between the Turks and my self. In fact, I believe, had the alter native been offered me of spending a year in Turkey, or the same period as Her Majesty's guest at Millbank Penitentiary, I should have preferred the latter. There was something terribly repulsive in living in daily intercourse with men whom you knew to be steeped up to the eyes in every crime, and who would not have evinced the slightest hesitation in cutting your throat for a couple of piastres. Strangely enough, these fellows had some good qualities: they resembled wild animals that learn to love you through fear of the lash, and ere we handed them back to the Padishah, they would have laid down their lives for the men whom, six months before, they had execrated as Infidels and Sons of Shaitan. the falsehoods propagated about it, that it would probably have been regarded as a happy release had the Russians cut us to pieces. It is notorious that we were placed at Kertch as a bait to induce the enemy to advance, and a very pretty state we should have been in had they come in the early months of winter, before the Turks had begun to appreciate our good qualities. However, let the dead bury their dead: my fighting days are over, and if I ever go to the wars again, I deserve to have my brains blown out. The worst of the Turks is, that you do not know how to have them, for their vices run battalion-wise, owing to the regiments recruiting in special districts. Thus, one band of brothers is highly respectable, were it not that to a man they plunder every thing they can lay hands on; while others, who scorn theft, have not the slightest hesitation about scoring your weazand for a black look. As the Stamboul authorities carefully selected the very worst men to hand over to us, it may be easily imagined what a pleasant task we had before us. Thus, the Turks had not been in Kertch a week before they began the pleasing amusement of breaking open the graves, because they heard that the Russians were usually buried in their jewellery. This pleasing sport was not stopped till a picket of the 71st shot a Mulazine and three men. Just conceive a lieutenant of Her Majesty's onety-oneth turning resurrectionistthough the Turks regarded it as a mere matter of course. The greatest misery was to hold such a military status as entitled you to the services of a sentry. Your life was a burthen to you from that moment, for your very dinner would disappear if your groom turned his back. The articles they usually stole were perfectly valueless to them, but a serious annoyance to you to lose; thus, I was insane enough to have my hairbrushes, and comb laid out in the sun to dry after being washed; and of course they went; and it was really far from pleasant to be obliged to have recourse to the natural comb, until a fresh supply could be procured from Pera. At the lazaretto the scurvy patients stole 750 towels, laid out to dry, and though the strictest search was made, they were not recovered till the men's dinners had been stopped for two days. And yet, the brutes had a certain sense of honour: thus, Dr. Gracey, of the Artillery (to whom I publicly tender my thanks for the attention he devoted to his most troublesome patients), was suddenly ordered up from the Bosphorus to Yan-Kalih, and forced to leave his kit with his Turkish servant, who came up with the regiment. A month elapsed ere he arrived with two empty bullock-trucks; but the articles dropped in one by one, till not even a gallipot was missing. Ali, knowing the customers he had to deal with, distributed the articles among the Battery for safe keeping, and not one was lost. Had it not been for this, the worthy Doctor would have had one more cause for grumbling at the confounded In justice to the Turks, it must be borne in mind that they had been worked upon by the scoundrel Greeks, and frightened into mutiny at Biyuk Derih. They firmly believed that their transference to Kerteh, was the prelude for their delivery into the hands of the Russians, and that not one would be left to tell the tale. Prior to the embarkation, entire regiments deserted, leaving their arms piled in camp, and weeks elapsed ere they could be hunted down. It was natural, then, that they should regard the Giaurs with distrust, and the news of the treatment their comrades experienced at the port, only confirmed them in their fears. They were ripe for any mischief when they landed in the Crimea, and worse still, a fatal error on the part of the Commander-in-Chief, taught them their own strength. Major Guernsey, the Provost Marshal, was broken for acting energetically, and from that moment the Turks had the game in their own hands. It was always a matter of surprise to me that they did not kill us all at once, as the shortest way of expiating the insults offered them. There is no doubt now that we were in very great danger, and a spark would have produced a terrible conflagration. Nothing was done for our protec-service. tion by the authorities before Sebastopol; we I fancy it was such a rarity for a Turk to received high pay for increased risk, and the have any confidence placed in him, that he felt Contingent was in such ill-odour through proud of it, and was honest in spite of his teeth. VOL. I. T. No. 18. At Kertch, the men belonging to a village used A Turk is indubitably the laziest animal in creation, and nothing pleases him so much as to sit in the sun vermin-hunting. I call it "sitting," as I know no other term to describe it; but, in reality, it is not sitting or kneeling, but a sort of squatting on the hams, which presupposes cast-iron muscles. Having ended his sport, he then produces his pipe from his boot, begs tobacco of one, a light of another, and falls into a state of beatitude, between sleeping and waking. I am firmly convinced that a Turk is too idle to think; or, if he does perform that operation, his thoughts are directed exclusively to money, for saving is his delight. Not merely cash, but every article of clothing he has begged or stolen since he began to walk alone. In April, 1856, we served out new uniforms to the whole line, and the next time they appeared on parade, they were converted into so many Falstaffs. They had simply put on the new uniforms over the old, and stuffed their boots, &c., into their haversacks. The Cavalry officers, feeling a decent pride in the appearance of their men, put a stop to this, as they thought, but they were beaten the men hid their old uniforms under their saddles, and were all four feet higher when they turned out the next time. I have already mentioned my servant Machmet, who was a true type of a Turk. Once that he learned to know me, he followed me about with canine fidelity. Each night he slept outside my door, and woe to the man who tried to disturb my slumber. Machmet flew at his throat like a bull dog, and I had positively to choke him off ere he would loose his hold. My English boy, who, to natural stupidity, added the acquired gift of deafness, held Machmet in mortal terror, and the sight of his glistening yataghan had a powerful effect on the stupid lad's nerves. Machmet used to employ this weapon for every conceivable purpose, and had a knack of holding it between his teeth; when his hands were engaged, which gave him a most truculent appearance. Nothing annoyed him so much as when Henry, with honest English brutality, ill-treated a horse: he meant no harm, but had been used, all his life, to kick horses in the stomach when he wanted them to go over in the stall. The first time Machmet saw him do this, he flew at him like a tiger, and I really believe, had I not come to the rescue, would have settled him on the spot. From that time Machmet watched him in the stable, like a cat, and if ever he was guilty of any crime against humanity, Machmet would hiss and splutter, and his hand play with the hilt of his yataghan, in a manner most suggestive of justifiable homicide. At length Henry took to his bed, through sheer funk, and Machmet waited on him, like an infant. But he raved so unpleasantly about knives, that I was glad to get him into hospital, where he recovered with astounding rapidity. Machmet had one fault: he was uncommonly fond of rum; and in his expansive moments was wont to boast that he was a Christian. If drinking be a part of our confession, he was certainly a worthy member of the Church Militant, for his powers of imbibation were wonderful. His wages were not tremendous, for he merely had the run of his teeth, and any money my friends gave him; but, owing to my large connection with the shipping interest, he was rarely hard up for a bottle of rum. He was a picturesque ruffian enough: he wore a fustanell, which would have looked better had it been cleaner; and round his waist some four score yards of dingy girdle, in which were stuck two silver-mounted pistols, and the inevitable yataghan, all in various stages of dirt. He was, however, a firstrate cook, and I will do him the justice to say, that he never got drunk before six-simply from the fact that he was never thoroughly sober. Altogether, he was the true type of a Turk of the modern school, who has rubbed off his prejudices by contact with the world, and has appropriated all the vices of Christianity. Grand, too, was his capacity for "looting," and whenever I had a dinner party, I had only to tell him the number, and had no fear of him disgracing my hospitality. Where he procured the materials I was too wise to ask, but my impression is, that he used simply to steal everything he thought requisite for the Bey-Zadib's table. I have already mentioned his skill in boiling a Brill whole, but I did not state that this was effected by means of a pillau kettle he coolly stole from a regiment. He used to be flogged at least once a week, but you might have flayed him alive, before he would have confessed to a crime. He always looked a deeply-injured man, and made such a potent appeal to my compassion, that I fancy he would have taken a thrashing daily on the same terms. I am afraid that I have not produced a very favourable impression on my readers by my candid account of the Bono Johnnies; but I can assure them that, were I to utter the entire truth, no one could read it. I have merely touched on the light side of their character, and described their playful weaknesses. Were I to dwell on the atrocities they committed on the hapless inhabitants of Kertch, people would scarcely credit me; but I can assure them, that hardly a week elapsed during my six months' stay in Kertch, without some atrocious murder being committed. But, faugh! my purpose is not to disgust, I only wish to show that the Turk is "bono" only in name. ODDITIES OF GREAT MEN. DRAWN BY KENNY MEADOWS. IV.-VICE-CHANCELLOR SHADWELL'S HYDROPATHIC INJUNCTION. The late Vice-Chancellor of England, Sir Lancelot Shadwell, was as indefatigable a bather as the monk noticed by Bede. Every morning throughout the year, during his residence at Barnes Elms, he might be seen wrestling joyously with the Thames. It is said that on one occasion a party, in urgent need of an injunction, after looking for the judge in a hundred places where he was not to be found, at length took a boat, and encountered him as he was swimming in the river. There he is said to have heard the case, listening to the details as the astonished applicants made them, and now and then performing a frolicsome "summersault," when they paused for want of breath. The injunction was granted,it is said; after which the applicants left the judge to continue his favourite aquatic sport by himself. SIR LANCELOT OF THE LAKE.* BEING THE ABOVE LEGEND VERSIFIED: SOME- ON either side the river fly Considering that the incident is reported to have taken place on the Thames, the "Lake" must be apologized for, as a nuance of imaginative water-colouringnot inexcusable, perhaps, in a poet who likes to view things through a couleur de rose medium. They scare the fish, and rend the sky, "Wherever have he got? |