ACT III Sc. I Which, being writ to me, shall be deliver'd VAL. I pray thee, Launce, an if thou see'st my boy, 250 260 [Exeunt VALENTINE and PROTEUS. LAUNCE. I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to think my master is a kind of a knave: but that's all one, if he be but one in love. He lives not now that knows me to be in love; yet I am in love; but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who 'tis I love; and yet 'tis a woman; but what woman, I will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milkmaid; yet 'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips; yet 'tis a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel - which is much in a bare Christian. Here is the cate-log [pulling out a paper] of her conditions. Imprimis: She can fetch and carry. Why, a horse can do no more: nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only carry; therefore is she better than a jade. Item: She can milk. Look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. Enter SPEED. 276 SPEED. How now, Signior Launce! what news with your Mastership? LAUNCE. With my master's ship? why, it is at sea. SPEED. Well, your old vice still: mistake the word. What news, then, in your paper 281 LAUNCE. The blackest news that ever thou heard'st. SPEED. Why, man, how black? LAUNCE. Why, as black as ink. SPEED. Let me read them. LAUNCE. Fie on thee, jolt-head: thou canst not read! LAUNCE. I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot thee? 291 LAUNCE. O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy LAUNCE. Ay, that she can. SPEED. Item: She brews good ale. LAUNCE. And therefore comes the proverb: Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale. SPEED. Item: She can sew. LAUNCE. That's as much as to say, Can she so? SPEED. Item: She can knit. 300 LAUNCE. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock ?1 SPEED. Item: She can wash and scour. LAUNCE. A special virtue; for then she need not be wash'd and scour❜d. SPEED. Item: She can spin. LAUNCE. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living. SPEED. Item: She hath many nameless virtues. 310 LAUNCE. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names. SPEED. Here follow her vices. LAUNCE. Close at the heels of her virtues. SPEED. Item: She is not to be kiss'd fasting, in respect of her breath. LAUNCE. Well, that fault may be mended with a break fast. Read on. SPEED. Item: She hath a sweet mouth.2 LAUNCE. That makes amends for her sour breath. SPEED. Item: She doth talk in her sleep. 320 LAUNCE. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk. SPEED. Item: She is slow in words. ACT III Sc. I ACT III LAUNCE. O villain, that set this down among her vices! LAUNCE. Out with that too: it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her. SPEED. Item: She hath no teeth. 331 LAUNCE. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. SPEED. Item: She is curst.1 LAUNCE. Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. LAUNCE. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, 340 LAUNCE. Of her tongue she cannot, for that's writ down she is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may, and that cannot I help. Well, proceed. SPEED. Item: She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults. LAUNCE. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse 350 be: I'll prove it. SPEED. Item: She hath more hair than wit. SPEED. And more faults than hairs. LAUNCE. That's monstrous: O, that that were out! LAUNCE. Why, that word makes the faults gracious! Well, I'll have her; and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible SPEED. What then? 361 LAUNCE. Why, then will I tell thee-that thy master stays for thee at the North-gate. LAUNCE. For thee? ay; who art thou? he hath stay'd for ACT III a better man than thee. SPEED. And must I go to him? 370 LAUNCE. Thou must run to him, for thou hast stay'd so SCENE II. The Same. A Room in the Enter DUKE and THURIO; PROTEUS behind. [exit. DUKE. Sir Thurio, fear not but that she will love you, Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight. THU. Since his exile she hath despis'd me most, DUKE. My daughter takes his going grievously. Proteus, the good conceit I hold of thee (For thou hast shewn some sign of good desert), PRO. Longer than I prove loyal to your Grace 1 cut. ΙΟ 20 Sc. I ACT III Sc. II PRO. I do, my Lord. DUKE. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant How she opposes her against my will? PRO. She did, my Lord, when Valentine was here. Therefore it must with circumstance be spoken Especially against his very friend. DUKE. Where your good word cannot advantage him Therefore the office is indifferent, Being entreated to it by your friend. PRO. You have prevail'd, my Lord: if I can do it THU. Therefore, as you unwind her love from him, You must provide to bottom1 it on me; As you in worth dispraise Sir Valentine. DUKE. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this kind, You are already Love's firm votary, And cannot soon revolt and change your mind. Upon this warrant shall you have access Where you with Silvia may confer at large; For she is lumpish, heavy, melancholy, And, for your friend's sake, will be glad of you; 1 wind. 30 40 50 60 |