First Missionary to Seamen. 251 I had for my own life. On one occasion in particular, while sculling the ship's boat alone across the river, the oar slipped out of the notch, and I fell backwards overboard; but, grasping the oar, which I saw floating near me, I was enabled to bear myself up, until a keel coming past, I was lifted up and set again in the boat. At another time, on crossing a ship's deck, the main hatches being loosely put on, one upon which I trod gave way under me, and I fell to the bottom of the hold on some pigs of lead, laying upon the skin, the hatch pitching at the same time upon its corner close to my head.-My right leg was so bruised and torn against the sharp end of the lead, and I was otherwise so shocked with the fall, that it was some months before I could walk, and years before I could go aloft without pain. "These and similar accidents had at least the happy effect of checking a wandering heart, leading it back again and again to a throne of grace, and making to flow afresh the tear of godly sorrow. Sometimes the conflicts of mind thus awakened were so severe, that while at sea, in the nightwatch, I would steal into some secret part of the ship, either below, or, as opportunity offered, to some place aloft, and there beseech the Lord that it might be so with me as in times past. ; "Things remained thus till I was captured by a French privateer, on a winter's passage from St. Petersburgh, bound to London. The chief mate and myself were the only two of our crew left on board; the rest were taken by the privateer to Norway, then a neutral state, where on landing they were set at liberty. A fine new ship in the hands of the enemy-sails split and torn from the yards through want of skill-separated from my shipmates, and the dreary prospect of being shut up for years in a French prison, were considerations that did not a little cast down my spirits whenever I thought upon them and that the more so, when I was led to see them as evils which my departure from God had brought upon me. After being driven about by one gale after another for several weeks in the North Sea, we found ourselves at length without the Flemish Banks, with the steeples of Ostend in sight, but just before dark, our ship, owing to the blunder of the prize master, struck with a tremendous crash upon the outer shoals, and broke the man's arm at the wheel. It was in vain to think of saving any thing but life. The ship was pre sently full of water; body-seas began to break over her, and long winter's night was coming on.-A Flemish fishing vessel, however, hearing our signals of distress, boldly ventured out to save our lives at the risk of their own. This was effected in the course of the night, though with great difficulty, before the ship went to pieces. "The same vessel which had saved us from the wreck conveyed the chief mate and myself to a prison, and on the same night. But though now placed in most trying circumstances, I could not but gratefully acknowledge the hand of God in so great a deliverance, and regard it also as a further token of his long suffering and tender mercy. This led to a review of his past dealings with me; and the train of reflections which this event awakened affected me much, producing for a time considerable watchfulness and prayer. These rest for the work of obedience; upon which I now set myself in "In this unhappy state of mind I remained till my return home; and being led by my honoured parents under the ministry of the Rev. Mr. Skinner, it was from him I first heard so as to understand the way of salvation. His language was plain, and suited therefore to my age; his heart was affectionate, and suited to the nature of his message. I learned from him for the first time that salvation was not of works, but entirely of grace;-and the sweet and tender manner in which he spoke on one occasion from these words, 'Come unto me, all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and ye shall find rest unto your souls,' does not seem to have lost its savour even to this day. From being in the service of a slave-master, I now found myself in that of the Father of mercies.' The fear of death and the dread of judgment now gradually fell off; so that at length, through a sense of pardoning love and sins forgiven, I obtained that peace of conscience, to which I had been before so long a stranger. Religious ways, from being ways of irksomeness or pain, were now those of pleasantness. Private prayer was pleasant; public ordinances and reading of the word were pleasant. There was a new pleasure in the people of God; and I can say of a truth concerning him who was made the honoured instrument of leading me into the strait gate and the narrow way, such was my affection for him, that I could almost have adored the ground upon which he walked. "The time was now come when some secular calling was to be thought of for life. After some deliberation, I gave a preference to that of a seafaring life to any other. But in so doing, it seems, I had not considered sufficiently the spiritual disadvantages attending such a choice, and much less the temptations to which I was about to be exposed. After being bound an apprentice to the sea, as is usual in the large seafaring districts in the north of England, I soon grew partial to the profession, and to the class of men who followed it. But I was not now where family prayer was wont to be made, nor within the influence of a pious example, nor within the reach of the stated means of grace, but on an element where no spiritual verdure was seen to quicken. The consequence of this change of situation was, that serious impressions gradually wore off, and vices peculiar to a seafaring life were too soon contracted. not take place without many severe struggles of conscience. After But this declension did seasons of slumber, she would often awake, and occasion great consternation and alarm. From these slumbers I was also frequently aroused by the sight of one and another on my right-hand and on the left, plunged into a watery grave, and sometimes by narrow escapes First Missionary to Seamen. 251 I had for my own life. On one occasion in particular, while sculling the ship's boat alone across the river, the oar slipped out of the notch, and I fell backwards overboard; but, grasping the oar, which I saw floating near me, I was enabled to bear myself up, until a keel coming past, I was lifted up and set again in the boat. At another time, on crossing a ship's deck, the main hatches being loosely put on, one upon which I trod gave way under me, and I fell to the bottom of the hold on some pigs of lead, laying upon the skin, the hatch pitching at the same time upon its corner close to my head.-My right leg was so bruised and torn against the sharp end of the lead, and I was otherwise so shocked with the fall, that it was some months before I could walk, and years before I could go aloft without pain. "These and similar accidents had at least the happy effect of checking a wandering heart, leading it back again and again to a throne of grace, and making to flow afresh the tear of godly sorrow. Sometimes the conflicts of mind thus awakened were so severe, that while at sea, in the nightwatch, I would steal into some secret part of the ship, either below, or, as opportunity offered, to some place aloft, and there beseech the Lord that it might be so with me as in times past. "Things remained thus till I was captured by a French privateer, on a winter's passage from St. Petersburgh, bound to London. The chief mate and myself were the only two of our crew left on board; the rest were taken by the privateer to Norway, then a neutral state, where on landing they were set at liberty. A fine new ship in the hands of the enemy-sails split and torn from the yards through want of skill-separated from my shipmates, and the dreary prospect of being shut up for years in a French prison, were considerations that did not a little cast down my spirits whenever I thought upon them; and that the more so, when I was led to see them as evils which my departure from God had brought upon me. After being driven about by one gale after another for several weeks in the North Sea, we found ourselves at length without the Flemish Banks, with the steeples of Ostend in sight, but just before dark, our ship, owing to the blunder of the prize master, struck with a tremendous crash upon the outer shoals, and broke the man's arm at the wheel. It was in vain to think of saving any thing but life. The ship was pre sently full of water; body-seas began to break over her, and a long winter's night was coming on.-A Flemish fishing vessel, however, hearing our signals of distress, boldly ventured out to save our lives. at the risk of their own. This was effected in the course of the night, though with great difficulty, before the ship went to pieces. "The same vessel which had saved us from the wreck conveyed the chief mate and myself to a prison, and on the same night. But though now placed in most trying circumstances, I could not but gratefully acknowledge the hand of God in so great a deliverance, and regard it also as a further token of his long suffering and tender mercy. This led to a review of his past dealings with me; and the train of reflections which this event awakened affected me much, producing for a time considerable watchfulness and prayer. These happy impressions were, however, too soon effaced by what was to be experienced in the new scene of men and things upon which I was soon to enter. From the jail at Ostend we were removed to that of Dunkirk; cooped up, as it were, amongst hundreds of fellow-sufferers; vice in every shape ever presenting itself; without a Bible, or any person with whom to exchange a single word upon the subject of the best things; and, above all, with a heart prone to sin,-the effect of all this was to deaden the conscience, and lead the heart away from God. After being about seven months in this situation, (which even in point of bodily suffering is shocking to describe,) Iwas marched with others into the interior of the country. On the march I embraced the first opportunity to desert from the escorting guard, with a view to escape the further horrors of a French prison, and, if possible, to reach my native country. In this, however, I failed; and some time after was taken again, and marched back to rejoin the party which I had left. Sitting by the fire one evening, a French hussar present said he had an English book, and asked me if I could read. It was the remains of a pocket edition of Dr. Watt's hymns, which he had been using to light his pipe. Not having seen a devotional book of any kind for a great length of time, I felt a strong desire to possess it, and with a part of the little money I had left bought it of him. Many of these hymns were particularly adapted to the condition and circumstances I was then in. As such I found them both sweet and profitable to read, and committed many of them to memory They were, I have reason to say, made the means of much consolation, and of leading my beart often out in prayer, and of restraining me from going the length in sin I should probably have done without them. "After being nearly a year and a half in the hands of the French, an exchange of prisoners took place; by which means I returned home to my native country, to follow again the line of life from which I had been taken. But sin had not yet lost its dominion over me; nor had I yet seen sufficiently far into the desperate wickedness of my own heart. New circumstances brought along with them their new temptations; and, not being sufficiently on my guard, and living too much in the neglect of prayer, I often fell, and pierced myself through with many sorrows. And often the tempter would say why should you grieve, and give way to desponding fears,--when all your past experience has only proved, that sin was more than a match for you, if God has decreed to save you, nothing would prevent him; to look therefore beyond this, were only to embit ter the present life without being of benefit to that which is to come. But hope, in her season, would as often return and bear me above all the se suggestions, whilst in desponding moments the case of Peter's fall and restoration has been more than once a source of much encouragement. At other times I was led to believe, that the evil lay in a seafaring life, from its being so unfavourable to religion; that. therein must lay the chief cause of all my wanderings from the ways of God; and that in any other situation where temptations to sin were less frequent, I should be the more able to live in a manner more acceptable to him. Under this impression, therefore, I acted upon the last resolution, in quitting First Missionary to Seamen. 253 marine pursuits for some other. Whatever circumstances might be con> nected with this rash step, it is known to him who knows all things, that the principal cause, was that of a wounded spirit. On more mature reflection, however, I was led to see my error; and to see that the true source of all the evil was to be found in my own heart, and go where I would, on the land or on the sea, this heart must go along with me. Hence I retraced my steps, and soon returned to the sphere in which Providence had placed me. "Some time after I had completed my years of servitude, and obtained by the help of friends the command of a ship, a new scene of temptations presented itself. I now saw myself placed in command of a large property in authority over others at an age before I had well learnt to command myself; with fine secular prospects before me; and being withal naturally of an aspiring disposition, (one so contrary to that which breathed in the meek and lowly Saviour,) my heart was quickly carried away, as before wind and tide, in the vortex of worldly interests. The only question now seemed to be, how I should leave others behind, who moved in the same line as myself: how I should be what the world calls a great man, and cut a figure in life. These, and such as these, were the objects which now engrossed my heart; and that to the almost entire exclusion of all concern about the one thing needful. Before, other sins had the bite of a viper that roused to prayer, and raised the cry again for mercy; but now the love of the world and the pride of life seemed, as with the touch of a torpedo, to paralyze the whole power of the soul. But even in this sunken condition, hopeless as it seemed to be, the Lord did not forsake me quite, inasmuch as he raised up in his providence a spiritual friend in the person of an elder brother. This young man, of a truly exemplary character, it was my privilege to receive on board as supercargo. He was a member of a Christian church; and in him I found an example that influenced, a mind to admonish, and a heart to feel for my best interests, though I was far from taking that heed to these which I ought to have done. In too many instances indeed, they were treated with neglect. It was also the same pious concern for me, that led him to put such books into my hand as were best suited to my case and circumstances: books which I probably never should have thought of for myself. Amongst others which was found of great service, was the Rev. John Newton's Life and Letters. The former of these I sat up all night to read, the first time I tock it up. Is there a brother Sailor going to sea without John Newton's Life and Letters? let him sell all he has, even to the shirt upon his back, were that necessary to obtain them. "But my advantage in a companion so truly valuable was not to last long, for on a second voyage, being overtaken by a storm at sea, in a boat, he found a watery grave. As I had no common affection for him, so I grieved the more over the loss. A loss it was to me, and a great one in one sense, but in another, and a far higher, it was my eternal gain. The thought of one so near to me, in all respects, being snatched away in the bloom of life. from amidst the fairest prospects as to this world, left an impression both deep and lasting upon my mind. The dead lived in such a manner in my recollection, as to give a new life to his past admonitions and example. The books he had once recommended were read with greater interest than before. All this working together for good, led me to reflect more seriously |